Trust is one of the essential elements of a healthy relationship.
Trust is also difficult to achieve in a relationship. In the beginning of a relationship you’re not really sure what each other’s intentions are, so of course you’ll have doubts. In an established relationship things may have happened which can cause you to distrust each other.
While in the beginning you may be building trust, as your relationship matures you may be trying to rebuild trust. No matter which situation you’re in, they require work from both partners.
If you plan on being in this relationship long-term this is an important commitment you need to make to each other since distrust can end a relationship.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself which will help you in building trust in your relationship:
1. Do my words and actions match?
Do you say what you mean and mean what you say? Sometimes that easier said than done. What’s mostly important is that you try to fulfill your promises and commitments.
Ask yourself: If I promise to do something do I do my best to get it done, or at least explain why I couldn’t do it? If I’m going to be late do I call ahead to explain what’s going? Do I try to honor my commitments outside of my relationship, with my friends and family?
When it comes to matching your actions and words, we all know, nobody’s perfect. The point is that you try to do the right thing. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Let people know when you can’t do something. It’s these little gestures that will define who you are.
2. Do I always tell the trust, even when it’s painful?
The truth can hurt, but a lie can destroy relationships of all types. Although at times telling the truth may not be the easiest option, in the end it’s the safest.
Ask yourself: Do I embellish the truth, in order to look better, get attention from people or make people like me? Do I tell little white lies so that I don’t hurt people’s feelings? Do I tell people what I think they want to hear, even when I know it’s not true?
Many people lie for what they believe is the right reason. They don’t want people to get hurt. However in most cases, the truth eventually comes out. Even if the lie you told was small, the person you lied to will have belief in you. If you tell the truth, it will help build trust quicker.
3. Am I keeping secrets from my partner?
In a new relationship it’s only natural to withhold some information. After all, you don’t know if this relationship will last. However, as your relationship becomes more serious, it’s normal to start sharing some of your secrets.
If you’re in a serious relationship, ask yourself: Am I hiding a deep secret from my partner? Am I willing to tell him this secret? Am I hiding things in my past that I feel are embarrassing or will make him think less of me? Am I hiding things in my current life that I don’t want him to know for fear of losing him?
There is no way to tell your partner everything that has happened to you in your life. However, there are some things that are relevant to the relationship or that weigh heavy on your mind, that you’ll need to discuss. Keeping secrets will not only lessen the trust in your relationship, it can have a negative impact on you emotionally.
4. Am I realistic about this relationship?
Living a fairy tale ending would be nice. Reality is, even the happiest couple has issues at one time or another. The secret of the successful couple is that they stick with each other through the bad times.
Ask yourself: If there is trouble or conflict in my relationship, do I believe I can work it out with my partner? Do I feel that if their is trouble in my relationship, I’ll be more likely to leave than stay? Do I believe that problems in the relationship are a sign that things won’t work out?
For a successful relationship you really need to be optimistic. If there are problems you need to feel that together you and your partner will be able to work them out. If you are prone to flight at the slightest sign on disagreement, how can your partner trust that you’ll be there when there’s real conflict.
5. Do I trust my partner to do the right thing?
If you don’t want your partner to trust you, the quickest way is to not trust him. When you have distrust in your heart, your partner may start to wonder what you may be hiding.
Ask yourself: Do I constant call or text my man to find out where he is or what he’s doing? Do I often think the worst when I’m not with him? Do I believe he may be up to something, even though he’s never given me a reason to doubt him?
There are many reasons people don’t trust their partners, it may even be an issue from a past relationship causing you to doubt your current man. This type of thinking can not only lead to needy and clingy behavior, it can kill the trust you’ve already built in your relationship by causing him to mistrust you.
6. Do I trust myself to do the right thing?
It can be hard to trust yourself. There may be things in your past that make you feel that you’re not worthy of being trusted. You need to let go of any negative thoughts about your past and start thinking about who you are today.
Ask yourself: Do I try my best to make the right choices and do the things that I believe are right? Do I try to be honest in my dealings with people? Do I have a defined set of goals, aspirations and values that help me focus my energy in the right direction?
Many times we’re harder on ourselves than anybody else in our lives. If you are working towards fulfilling you’re life’s purpose and doing it with integrity, your partner will recognize this. This is especially true if he also shares similar values.
Now that you’ve answered these questions, you can have your partner answer them too. That’s one way of building trust in your relationship.
Each of you can get an idea of what you need to work on individually and as a couple. As you can see with trust it’s not only what you do inside of the relationship that counts. If your spouse was dishonest in his dealings with others, would you trust him? Probably not, you’d doubt his sincerity. The more trustworthy you are in your dealings with everyone, the faster you’ll build trust in your relationship.