How To Deal With The Challenges Of Childlessness
The challenges that childless married couples face are numerous and daunting. No other married couple can feel the sadness and pains they endure on a daily basis than childless couples themselves.
For the purpose of this discuss, let us define a childless marriage. Simply defined, a childless marriage is a marriage where there is a husband and wife, but there are no biological children from the marital union. Since children are a fundamental part of the family, marriages of this nature are indeed an aberration and embarrassment to the couples concerned and their relatives – especially the parents-in-law.
So, are you married? Are you blessed with children? Or, are you married but still remain childless by circumstance? If yours is a case of a married man or woman who has been married for maybe 3, 5, 8, 10 or 20 years and already have 2, 3, 5 or more children, then you probably do not know what it means to be married for 22 years without a child.
If you are a happily married man
In this write-up, I will endeavour to shed light on the numerous challenges that you must face as a childless married person and how to overcome them.
A Childless Marriage Scenario
If you are among this group of married persons, l honestly sympathise with you. I have been down that road myself, so l know what you must be going through right now. And please do not take it too hard on yourself and your spouse – as if life has robbed you of something very valuable. Also, you do not have to allow it affect the joy you have with your spouse. All hope is certainly not lost. I personally know of a couple who got their first child after 22 years of being married. Is that not awesome?
Do You Need Help?
According to one childless married woman living in the United Kingdom, while speaking on the pains of childlessness: “I was just wondering the other day why there is no recognition of the pain and suffering of infertile women – those who want to have children – of their own and were not able to. “My own story is that I was married at 34 and just assumed that my husband and I would have at least 4 children by age 40. It never crossed my mind preparing for my wedding that it was a possiblity that I may not be able to conceive.
“By age 40 I stopped trying, i. e., pills, monitoring ovulations, etc. I did anything and everthing that did not involve invasive surgical procedures. My husband, who was also in his 30’s talked so much before our marriage about carrying on his family because he was the only son. “He was tested and found not to be at fault. I was told that there could not find a reason for me not getting pregnant. Sometimes it seem its more acceptable to find a reason than not to find a reason at all. When there is a reason, usually there is a solution.
“For some reason, my husband did not want to adopt. I tried for foster children, because I did not want to live my life without children in it, but he never followed through with the entire process. “Then in my late 40’s I was diagnosed with a chronic illness – which meant that, by this time, the foster care agency would not accept me as a foster parent. My husband never talks about it – he just says it was not God’s will.
“The lack of children in my life is a pain that’s always there. Just seeing my sisters and neices with their families is painful. My husband’s sisters and nieces all have many children and always have family get-togethers, family vacations, reunions, etc. We are the only couple on both sides of the family who don’t have children and I feel as if we stand out like a sour thumb.
“The holidays are hard to get through. We’re in our 60’s now and our house is so quiet. We should be enjoying our grandchildren now, if we had them. I’ve often wondered how other couples who don’t have children (not by choice) handle their childless life. Do you ever get over it?”
How painful and sad life must be for this childless couple – especially now that they are in their old age! The unspoken question that must be going through their minds daily is: who will take care of them when they become too old to take care of themselves? Indeed, the sadness and pains that married couples of this sort must endure daily as a result of their childlessness is better imagined than experienced. As a parent who did not start having children immediately through no direct choice of yours, you must understand how it feels like during your period of waiting before you got your first child. Or, if you are still expecting your first child after many years of marriage, you can surely identified with this couple whose story is narrated above.